Colorful Serif Kraft Farewell Card for Rude Coworker Goodbyes

Colorful Serif Kraft Farewell Card shows the phrase I would rather staple my eyelids to my asshole than have you leave me here to die, and this bold declaration turns office heartbreak into a hilarious scream. The design uses stacked typography in red, yellow, black, and blue to emphasize the dramatic sentiment of being left behind. It is made for the person who needs to say they are devastated without sounding polite or sincere.

Ships with a kraft envelope; envelope color in photo may vary.

What the design tells

The artwork presents a vertical stack of capitalized letters in varying weights and colors that dominate the white space. The word Staple is flanked by small motion lines, while Rather is decorated with starburst icons to add visual rhythm to the layout. Black, red, yellow, and blue ink creates a retro palette that makes the crude message pop off the page. This style belongs to the genre of sarcastic workplace humor where exaggerated emotion replaces professional decorum. The combination of vintage font choices and modern slang creates a unique aesthetic for saying goodbye.

People who will use it

You will find this Colorful Serif Kraft Farewell Card ideal for the colleague whose departure feels like a personal tragedy wrapped in a joke. It fits perfectly into a group card where everyone wants to sign but no one wants to be the first to admit they are actually sad. The everyday moment for this design is handing it over during a final handshake or slipping it onto a desk before the last shift ends. It transforms a painful transition into a shared laugh that only your specific team would appreciate.